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worryHave you ever heard somebody say to another person “Don’t spill that coffee”  and seen that exact thing happen, that you know will happen…. which is that  they do spill the coffee by accident!

Right now you are laughing because it is funny. It is funny because it  happens all the time. And if you are still laughing it may be because you are masterful at getting what you don’t want?

For some reason it seems the more you tell someone NOT to  do something, the more likely it is that it WILL happen. Why is that? Sometimes  we attribute it to simple disobedience – for example a child testing a parent,  when the parent has said “don’t do that.”

However, it is more than just a simple testing of the boundaries. There is a  biological, scientific reason for getting what you don’t want and it has to do with the way that our  brains are wired.

So why do we always seem to do the very thing that we are told not to do?

Our Subconscious brain struggles to process negatives. In effect it hears and  acts upon the command to do the very thing that we DON’T want it to do – i.e.  “smoke” or “spill the coffee.”

In fact, the subconscious mind cannot think – it can only ACT or CREATE based  upon what is of VALUE. That value is a product of our map of reality and every  event we have experienced over a lifetime. The subconscious is actually 100x  more powerful than the conscious mind and the subconscious is an AUTOMATIC  mechanism. It kicks in and acts about 1/2 second before the conscious mind  does – so if your embedded beliefs, attitudes, values etc. are negative, you end up always getting what you don’t want.

If you say to yourself over and over “Don’t spill the drink” or you tell a  child “Don’t miss the ball”, you are focusing the attention of the subconscious  mind on the opposite of what is desired. Instead of saying “carry the drink  safely to the counter” or “hit the ball son”, you have commanded the automatic  mechanism to do exactly what you DON’T want. The automatic mechanism of the mind  is focusing on missing the ball. It’s not that the mind doesn’t hear the word  “Don’t” (or cannot understand it) it’s that the ENTIRE SENTENCE is designed to  create the opposite of what is wanted. You have to look at the sentence in its  entirety to understand why it will not work to create the desired effect.

That is in fact why many books self help books, DVDs and audio CDs DON’T work  to deter unwanted habits and behaviours. Many of the NLP and hypnosis  practitioners have loaded their materials with embedded commands like “you will  not have any problems sleeping”, “you will not want to have any more cigarettes”  or “you will no longer have cravings for fried chicken and beer”. Unfortunately,  these programs are doomed from the start. They only serve to further entrench  these undesirable patterns.

If you want to change behaviour or get around a problem you must think of new  ways to phrase the desired behaviour in a positive way. This requires the  removal of all negatives or references to the problem in the sentence. Rather  than saying “Don’t mess up the calculations” you could say “Be careful to ensure  all the calculations in the spreadsheet are double checked and correct”. Instead  of saying to your child “Don’t throw that toy at your sister” you should say  “Put the toy down now and come to me”.

Instead of telling yourself what NOT to do, focus exclusively on what you  want do to (or have happen). It can be difficult for some to unlearn old  patterns and pessimistic language. However with practice and the positive  reinforcement that comes from achieving the results that you desire most, you  will find yourself speaking and behaving in new and empowering ways.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3142214

ImagineeringNow
About The Author
Rhondalynn's life changed forever after the loss of her mother due to a senseless tragedy in 1992. She decided that despite her formal training and a promising career as a lawyer and chartered accountant, she wanted to do something more. So despite the fact she had already invested 10 years of her adult life in university and articling, she did the unthinkable. She left her high paid job as Commercial Manager for one of the largest corporations in the country, she re-trained herself in the sciences of the mind and she discovered a passion for writing and sharing her knowledge with business owners and executives. Rhondalynn has distilled the secrets to business success - that she learned from her life experience and working in GM level roles with Price Waterhouse Coopers, Max Factor, Village Cinemas, and Coles Group Ltd. - and produced a simple step-by-step process that you can apply to your business to boost your sales and bottom line. Rhondalynn can help you put strategies in place to grow your bottom line and ensure that your customers would never think of going elsewhere. She is the leading expert on harnessing the power of your brain and using it to improve your financial results in business. Rhondalynn is the author of On The Shoulders of Giants, Imagineering Your Destiny, Sobre Hombros deGigantes, Financial Foreplay, and Sales Seduction. She has appeared on CNN, Bnet/CBS, Channel 7, Channel 9, Kochie's Business Builders and 3AW, and writes for Yahoo, MYOB, Fast Thinking, Sunday Life, Dynamic Business, Business Spectator and Australian Retailer.

9 Comments:


  • By Clarice Courtner 21 Dec 2011

    I am thinking a lot about what you have written. Appreciate the time it took for you to write and post it.

  • By Tracy Starrs 21 Dec 2011

    very good submit, i definitely love this web site, keep on it.

  • By Antoinette Flack 21 Dec 2011

    Thanks, what a good post and informative blog, I will bookmark this blog. Thanks

  • By Angelo Stalma 21 Dec 2011

    greetings. Fantastic text and a good blog

  • By Arnica Denmar 21 Dec 2011

    I’ve read some similar articles online. Many others seem to gloss over this stuff and make it sound like the brain simply cannot understand the word don’t. That never made sense to me. Why would that one word be any more or less easy to interpret than any other. I like the way to explain it clearly. It now makes a whole lot more sense to me.

  • By Burton Mandiola 27 Dec 2011

    You write everything so simply and clearly. One day would love to see you speak in person. I bet it’s entertaining.

  • By Codi Uly 29 Dec 2011

    This is a Great blog. Thanks for the motivation.

  • By Anthony M. 14 Jan 2012

    I found this information really valuable – just what I needed today.

  • By Vince Dumarche 17 Jan 2012

    I’ve got kids in little league – see exactly THIS happening every single weekend. 🙂

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