Do you find yourself asking for THIS and THAT with the Law of Attraction… and not getting the results that you want?
The secret to manifesting your desires may be as simple as asking better questions.
Have you ever asked yourself: WHY do you want IT _____ (the desire)?
Do you believe that getting it means that you’ll finally have _________ (the real result you desire)? Is having _________ (real result you desire) the driving force behind you reaching your goals, or is there a much deeper reason (a deeper meaning behind it for you)?
For example let’s use a profession like coaching (you can substitute any career or goal that you like here). Just imagine that you are out there right now wondering whether or not you should become a coach. Next you might wonder WHY do you want to be a coach? Do you believe that being a coach intrinsically means you’ll make more money, have more flexibility, be in charge of your own destiny, be happier or have more satisfaction? Is having a huge bank account the driving force behind coaching or is it passion for helping others and confronting new challenges everyday that fulfills you?
You may want the coaching business, to get money, prestige, fame or variety… Then again, you may want to coach for the simple pleasure of helping others. Or you may even want to coach to fulfill your own desire to be needed, listened to, respected or admired. More likely, you may want all of your desires fulfilled so that you can FINALLY BE HAPPY.
Therefore, it begs the question, does being a coach (or any other job, profession or goal for that matter) = happiness?
For some it may….but for MOST it’s just barely enough motivation to make you get off the couch in the morning and make something happen. The end result HAPPINESS is so intangible, seemingly elusive and far out in the distance. It just doesn’t seem real because it is something that we are constantly striving towards but that we never truly seem to reach.
In my experience, having the result or desire of happiness, fulfillment or success (or substitute any state of mind that you like) is not enough to drive you toward your goals. Happiness, success and peace are in the here and now. They are not an end destination – something that you drive towards or “try” to obtain. No matter how many goals you set and hours that you work, you will never end up at the train station of happiness or success. You need to get on the train of happiness or success now and see where it leads you. Happiness and success are who you are already – or at the very least, who you are capable of being right now if you choose to be. Therefore, they can’t possibly be something that motivates you to achieve your goals.
If you are currently struggling to reach your goals, I want you to stop right now, sit down and examine what the real and deeper meaning is for you. The real “WHY” that you want to have a result or an outcome. Once you connect to this real WHY – and you will know it when you have stated it because you will connect to some REAL EMOTION – that will be the moment when the tires hit the pavement and you begin to get real traction and momentum towards achieving your goal(s).
From my own experience as a coach, author and speaker, I can tell you that writing and publishing a book is not easy. If I simply wanted to have happiness or to make a few dollars selling a book, it simply would not have been enough to keep me moving forward when things got tough. For me, the driving force behind my first book was 2 THINGS – (1) I want for my mother’s life to have meant something and for her love and kindness to live on forever and (2) I want to be in a position to financially support children from disadvantaged backgrounds to have the food, clothing, supplies and support that they need to stay in school. It’s that simple for me. It was never about the book, the career or the goal – it has always been about the deeper meaning for me.
Now I don’t know what the REAL WHY will be for you….now might be a really good time to figure out what that is for you. But I do know that when you find it, you will become UNSTOPPABLE and your success will become INEVITABLE!
17 Oct 2011
Without a doubt, the number #1 question I get asked by clients is ‘how do I break a bad habit like procrastination, worry, insomnia, negative thinking or smoking’? There are a million examples of ways that each one of us holds our own success back by ‘doing’ unproductive habits. To make lasting change to deeply ingrained bad habits using willpower and positive affirmations alone is not realistic.
Everyone knows that positive thinking is undependable and produces inconsistent results, at best. The self-image on the other hand underpins our level of emotional intelligence (EQ), which is now recognised as being an even more important measurement for success than the IQ. It has been scientifically proven that our brain circuits take engrams or memory traces, and produce neuro connections only if they are bombarded with the information for 21 days in a row. This means that our brain does not accept ‘new’ data (ie break a bad habit) unless they are repeated each day for at least 21 days, without missing a day.
If you want to break bad a habit like refusing to let go of the past, spending all your time worrying about what might go wrong, overeating, biting your nails or spending more than you earn, it can be done but it will require consistent effort on your part, every day for at least 21 days. In order to do it, your success rate will improve significantly if you can replace that old habit you no longer need with a good and productive habit that will support you to achieve your goals and find someone to help keep you accountable.
And remember, no matter where you are in your life right now — the choices you have made or the experiences you have had — you can break a bad habit because it is never too late to become the person you were meant to be!
28 Sep 2011
I have been fortunate to discover that there is a reason for all things – even those that are senseless and incomprehensible – and that we have to learn to trust that there is a bigger picture that perhaps we, as mere human beings, can never truly understand.
What if you’ve already go the life you deserve?
The most beautiful expression of this idea I’ve ever read was in a children’s book ‘Little Soul in the Sun’ by Neil Donald Walsh. In the story, Walsh talks of a Little Soul who wants to be incarnated as a human being to learn ‘forgiveness’. A Friendly Soul agrees to oblige him by incarnating as a person to do something to the Little Soul that will help him learn the lesson of forgiveness. But the Friendly Soul issues a plea of caution and says, ‘at the very moment that I strike you down, please promise me that you will remember who I really am, a Friendly and loving Soul, otherwise we will be doomed to repeat the process over and over again until we get the learnings or until another Little Soul comes down to help us find the way out.’
In other words everything that happens in our life – the good the bad and the just plain ugly is the result of an agreement that we have made at some point in our existence to experience certain things so we can become better human beings and move on to the next lesson. We are all doing the best that we can with the resources that we think we have available. Everything is a learning experience and if viewed from that context, we can become empowered to create a world around us in the likeness of our dreams and wildest imaginations.
Even the really hard stuff happens for a reason. There is no failure, only results.
It isn’t about assigning blame or beating yourself up – it’s about being responsible for your response and deciding how best to move forward and attract the results that you want.
Blaming others – even if it’s legitimate – robs you of your power. It doesn’t help you move on – it’s a complete waste of your time and emotion. Put it in the past and find a way to ensure you never repeat it.
Things don’t change – WE change.
The only way to be the change that you want to see in the world is to take responsibility for the life that you say you want to be living. Regardless of the events and circumstances that have occurred, no answers may be found revelling in excuses.
You are already living the life you deserve and imagine in your mind every day. If you are not happy and you want more, you need to step up and BE more. Otherwise, you are destined to repeat the same experiences over and over until you learn the lesson. Even though it may be a hard pill to swallow, on some level you agreed to experience everything that has happened to you – you did this with the understanding that it would help you to grow and to evolve as a human being.
In fact, you already have the life you deserve (and wanted). It begs the question though – “when are you going to forgive yourself (and others), get the “learnings” and move on to the next important lesson that you have chosen for your evolution?”
11 Sep 2011
Many people believe that depression can result from anger turned inwards. Anger and depression are simply states of mind just like sadness, frustration, confusion etc. Yet many people mistakenly ask the question “is anger a symptom of depression”?
Anger does not cause (nor is it a symptom of depression). In my clinical experience, persistent anger does often co-exist with MANY other negative emotions – frustration, despair etc. However, in assisting clients to release these deeply ingrained patterns of negative emotions, it is often necessary to work with and release anger first as it is a strong, dominant, primary emotion. Often, unless anger is released first, it is impossible to face or address the underlying issue(s).
However, I do not believe anger causes or is a symptom of depression per se.
Depression often presents when a person is constantly worried about problems they perceive they have no control over. It results from a tendency to focus exclusively on the negative – thought, spoken word, physiology etc. Like anger, depression is not something that happens to us – it can be created and exacerbated by our thoughts, words and physiology over time. Over long periods of time, it is possible to develop a habit of being angry all the time and/or a habit of being depressed.
Statistics prove that the majority of us focus more of our attention on what we don’t want (or are afraid of) and we tend to do it with passion! Science has already proven that anything we do with strong emotion and passion creates a deeper engram (impression) on our minds.
Changing deeply ingrained habits or repetitive states of mind (whether they be positive or negative) requires repetitive autosuggestion over a period of at least 21 days. This fact was discovered in the 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz.
What this means is that we are always in control of our experience of the world – our emotions, our meanings and the habits we develop over time. No one causes us to feel angry or depressed. It is something that we choose to do ourselves, in response to our life experiences. The good news is that we can take responsibility and “unchoose” the unproductive states of mind or habits….thereby changing forever our results and our destiny.
We live in a world with a million possible distractions, pressures, emergencies and interruptions, how can we stay possibly stay focused (on our goals) and sane?
There are always going to be several things constantly competing for my your time – marketing campaigns to design, team members to manage, customers to respond to, business opportunities to explore, issues to follow up, personal commitments etc. However, whenever you try to work on too many things at the same time, inevitably none of them ever gets done.
To assist my clients in staying on track and keeping things simple, I developed the following list of 5 simple techniques/questions to put things into perspective. When in doubt – check the list for guidance.