Right now you are laughing because it is funny. It is funny because it happens all the time. And if you are still laughing it may be because you are masterful at getting what you don’t want?
For some reason it seems the more you tell someone NOT to do something, the more likely it is that it WILL happen. Why is that? Sometimes we attribute it to simple disobedience – for example a child testing a parent, when the parent has said “don’t do that.”
However, it is more than just a simple testing of the boundaries. There is a biological, scientific reason for getting what you don’t want and it has to do with the way that our brains are wired.
So why do we always seem to do the very thing that we are told not to do?
Our Subconscious brain struggles to process negatives. In effect it hears and acts upon the command to do the very thing that we DON’T want it to do – i.e. “smoke” or “spill the coffee.”
In fact, the subconscious mind cannot think – it can only ACT or CREATE based upon what is of VALUE. That value is a product of our map of reality and every event we have experienced over a lifetime. The subconscious is actually 100x more powerful than the conscious mind and the subconscious is an AUTOMATIC mechanism. It kicks in and acts about 1/2 second before the conscious mind does – so if your embedded beliefs, attitudes, values etc. are negative, you end up always getting what you don’t want.
If you say to yourself over and over “Don’t spill the drink” or you tell a child “Don’t miss the ball”, you are focusing the attention of the subconscious mind on the opposite of what is desired. Instead of saying “carry the drink safely to the counter” or “hit the ball son”, you have commanded the automatic mechanism to do exactly what you DON’T want. The automatic mechanism of the mind is focusing on missing the ball. It’s not that the mind doesn’t hear the word “Don’t” (or cannot understand it) it’s that the ENTIRE SENTENCE is designed to create the opposite of what is wanted. You have to look at the sentence in its entirety to understand why it will not work to create the desired effect.
That is in fact why many books self help books, DVDs and audio CDs DON’T work to deter unwanted habits and behaviours. Many of the NLP and hypnosis practitioners have loaded their materials with embedded commands like “you will not have any problems sleeping”, “you will not want to have any more cigarettes” or “you will no longer have cravings for fried chicken and beer”. Unfortunately, these programs are doomed from the start. They only serve to further entrench these undesirable patterns.
If you want to change behaviour or get around a problem you must think of new ways to phrase the desired behaviour in a positive way. This requires the removal of all negatives or references to the problem in the sentence. Rather than saying “Don’t mess up the calculations” you could say “Be careful to ensure all the calculations in the spreadsheet are double checked and correct”. Instead of saying to your child “Don’t throw that toy at your sister” you should say “Put the toy down now and come to me”.
Instead of telling yourself what NOT to do, focus exclusively on what you want do to (or have happen). It can be difficult for some to unlearn old patterns and pessimistic language. However with practice and the positive reinforcement that comes from achieving the results that you desire most, you will find yourself speaking and behaving in new and empowering ways.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3142214
28 Sep 2011
I have been fortunate to discover that there is a reason for all things – even those that are senseless and incomprehensible – and that we have to learn to trust that there is a bigger picture that perhaps we, as mere human beings, can never truly understand.
What if you’ve already go the life you deserve?
The most beautiful expression of this idea I’ve ever read was in a children’s book ‘Little Soul in the Sun’ by Neil Donald Walsh. In the story, Walsh talks of a Little Soul who wants to be incarnated as a human being to learn ‘forgiveness’. A Friendly Soul agrees to oblige him by incarnating as a person to do something to the Little Soul that will help him learn the lesson of forgiveness. But the Friendly Soul issues a plea of caution and says, ‘at the very moment that I strike you down, please promise me that you will remember who I really am, a Friendly and loving Soul, otherwise we will be doomed to repeat the process over and over again until we get the learnings or until another Little Soul comes down to help us find the way out.’
In other words everything that happens in our life – the good the bad and the just plain ugly is the result of an agreement that we have made at some point in our existence to experience certain things so we can become better human beings and move on to the next lesson. We are all doing the best that we can with the resources that we think we have available. Everything is a learning experience and if viewed from that context, we can become empowered to create a world around us in the likeness of our dreams and wildest imaginations.
Even the really hard stuff happens for a reason. There is no failure, only results.
It isn’t about assigning blame or beating yourself up – it’s about being responsible for your response and deciding how best to move forward and attract the results that you want.
Blaming others – even if it’s legitimate – robs you of your power. It doesn’t help you move on – it’s a complete waste of your time and emotion. Put it in the past and find a way to ensure you never repeat it.
Things don’t change – WE change.
The only way to be the change that you want to see in the world is to take responsibility for the life that you say you want to be living. Regardless of the events and circumstances that have occurred, no answers may be found revelling in excuses.
You are already living the life you deserve and imagine in your mind every day. If you are not happy and you want more, you need to step up and BE more. Otherwise, you are destined to repeat the same experiences over and over until you learn the lesson. Even though it may be a hard pill to swallow, on some level you agreed to experience everything that has happened to you – you did this with the understanding that it would help you to grow and to evolve as a human being.
In fact, you already have the life you deserve (and wanted). It begs the question though – “when are you going to forgive yourself (and others), get the “learnings” and move on to the next important lesson that you have chosen for your evolution?”
We live in a world with a million possible distractions, pressures, emergencies and interruptions, how can we stay possibly stay focused (on our goals) and sane?
There are always going to be several things constantly competing for my your time – marketing campaigns to design, team members to manage, customers to respond to, business opportunities to explore, issues to follow up, personal commitments etc. However, whenever you try to work on too many things at the same time, inevitably none of them ever gets done.
To assist my clients in staying on track and keeping things simple, I developed the following list of 5 simple techniques/questions to put things into perspective. When in doubt – check the list for guidance.
23 Aug 2010
Bottled water is one of the most profitable drink products in the world, selling for 3000 to 9000 times what most of us pay for the perfectly safe, inexpensive liquid that comes out of our tap at home.
To put this in context, paying $2.40-3.90 for a 750ml bottle of water is equivalent to:
- $10,000 for a tuna sandwich at your local cafe or
- A bill from your water company this month for $3000/tonne of water (as opposed to the going rate of $1.2/tonne)
According to the Australasian Bottled Water Institute, Australians consume over 250 million litres a year at a price of $385 million. We have been systematically brainwashed by the beverage industry to believe that our tap water is somehow unsafe or insufficient – look around and you will see that there are now hundreds of brands competing for your attention with clever marketing campaigns designed to scare, seduce and mislead us to part with our hard earned money.